Here’s the whole list I’ve made so far (just click to the number to see the post)
#1 - If your neighbour committed suicide it’s ok to keep whatever you lent from them
#2 - If you wanna discipline your children just leave them at the road and go away for a minute
#3 - If you’re having problems with your toilet, you can always steal the moving one
#4 - You can wash your laundry in whirpool
#5 - If you want to seduce men, all you have to do is wash your car in swimming suit
#6 - It’s not shame to sleep with your gardener
#7 - It’s possible to cut grass in evening dress
#8 - Never go in front out your house in towel without keys
#9 - Always welcome your new neighbour with basket full of muffins
#10 - When a woman tells you not to eat her mac and cheese, don’t eat it
#11 - You can cover up your son’s mess
#12 - Keep your friends close and your enemies closer
#13 - Always try to control your nanny
#14 - Never talk to the model at the matrace
#15 - Never crush a teenage party
#16 - Don’t break nose to your pedicurist
#17 - Never fall in love with your pharmacist when your husband needs medication from him
#18 - Don’t try to seduce a guy while you’re playing minigolf
#19 - Don’t steal anyones baby and then kill his real mother
#20 - If you hide your possesion and police won’t find it, you can keep it
#21 - Never bother people before 9 a.m.
#22 - Even though your mother-in-law is bitch, it’s your family that makes her your bitch
#23 - Your dead husband must have perfect tie
#24 - All your neighbours have some secret
#25 - Never say out loud to a guy in prison that he’s rich
#26 - Never accept a proposal from a guy that doesn’t call you by your first name
#27 - A common murder proves solidarity
#28 - It’s ok to say your mother’s boyfriend how she sounds when she has orgasm when you just want to piss him off
#29 - You should never kill your son’s imaginary friend
#30 - You should never gave up your race just to beat up mom’s boyfriend, it’s not worth it
#31 - Take off your clothes and be more sexy than your boss if you wanna spend more time at home than with her
#32 - If your dead husband wrote letter before he died with words “I forgive you for killing me” just throw his body into some hole
#33 - If you have rash from your boyfriend, there must be something wrong with him
#34 - You can buy expensive clothes, wear it and then return it, if you leave there price tag
#35 - Never try on your mom’s wedding dress in front of your boyfriend and then tell him you send his son to another country
#36 - Models always know you’re pregnant, you can’t hide it
#37 - Shopping always helps
#38 - Your neighbours can protect your childrens
#39 - It’s ok to have gun at home
#40 - It’s ok to shot your psycho exfiance when he sings before your house
#41 - Never give anyone your secret recipes!
#42 - Be careful what you tell your childrens. They may use it against you.
#43 - It’s not ok to kiss your friend husband
#44 - You should knock before you enter your son’s bedroom (what if he has there his naked lab partner?)
#45 - Do not hide corpse into trunk and then close it when you left keys in there
#46 - If you made up some symptoms you can flirt with cute doctor
#47 - When doctor ask you to take off your clothes, he doesn’t mean it literally
#48 - You can piss off your mom royally and try to ruin her life….and in five years get paid by her
#49 - Don’t fall in love with an eco-terrorist
#50 - Never get drunk in a department mall
#51 - Most dead bodies only consist of two fingers
#52 - Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop
#53 - Never take all money from your boyfriend’s house and throw them into the sink. He may notice that.
#54 - Try not to have fight before you go to the fashion show
#55 - It always help to slap people when they are crying
#56 - It’s ok to attack your mum’s psycho boyfriend
#57 - It’s ok to watch how psychopath, who killed your husband commited suicide
#58 - If your husband doesn’t want to punch a guy, who posted nude picture of you at the internet, just take off your clothes and go do joga in front of your house
#59 - Never get drunk in front of a cop and then sit to the car and drive away from yourself
#60 - If you want to watch whatever you want in TV, just promise your man to have sex with him, tied him to the bed and then go watch TV
#61 - It’s ok to beat up a nun, who is trying to steal your husband
#62 - Don’t fall in love with man…twice
#63 - You can easily fall asleep at your lawn
#64 - If your drunk mother fall asleep in lawn you can easily wake her up by turning on the sprinklers
#65 - You shouldn’t fall asleep while you’re babysitting
#66 - If your babysitter fell asleep, just go away from her house
#67 - If you’re expecting that you will be proposed, do not dig in the dessert with your own hands. The ring may not be there.
#68 - Best friends are trying to help you, even if you don’t ask for it.
#69 - You can almost get away with a lie that your mother is beating you.
#70 - You can sue your mother just because you want access to your money.
#71 - Don’t let your doctor-boyfriend operate you (you may say under the narcosis that you love your ex).
#72 - The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference. And if you hate someone, that means you still care.
#73 - Good friends support each other when something terrible happend. Great friends pretend nothing ever happend.
#74 - Good friends offers to help in crisis. Great friends don’t take no for an answer.
#75 - It’s not a good idea to invite your exhusband and your present boyfriend for a dinner.
#76 - If you want to deal with your obsession, just find another one.
#77 - Mary Alice’s narration has helped me learn how to connect the beginning of an essay to the end. I always read all my essays in her voice.
#78 - It’s not a good idea to give someone tooth as a present
#79 - You can steal newborn baby in hospital without being stopped by security
#80 - You can pretend that you’re on a date with a strange guy if your ex-boyfriend came to the same cinema as you are
#81 - Your maid can easily also be your nanny
#82 - Don’t try to break up with your girlfriend by a piece of paper
#83 - Always pay attention to your computer when you’re sending sex messages to your husband by a messanger, because if you don’t, you may send it to your boss instead your husband
#84 - Don’t attack some girl only because you think your boyfriend was cheating on you with her
#85 - Don’t fall in love with child you want to adopt, they may take them away from you
#86 - Don’t invite your mail man to your house, he may misunderstand it
#87 - Sleeping with your mum’s boyfriend is top line
#88 - Sometimes you have to let your children grown up the hard way
#89 - How to punish person who lied to you? Burn down their house
#90 - Easier way how to get rid of balloons is prick them
#91 - You should tell your girlfriend that you’re marrying your ex wife (even in case it’s just because she needs health insurance)
#92 - If your boyfriend wants to leave you, pretend to commit suicide because of it
#93 - It’s ok to get back together with your ex at your wedding with someone else
#94 - When you get pregnant, your boobs get bigger
#95 - When you fake pregnancy be careful at things sticking out of your belly
#96 - Deal with the fact that your friends may think that your parties are boring
#97 - You can send your pregnant daughter to the church and than pretend that it’s you who is pregnant
#98 - Flirt with another guy if you want to make your boyfriend jealous
#99 - Don’t pretend that you bake cookies if you didn’t
#100 - Don’t steal your neighbours dog and then return him after they starting to like you
#101 - If you see commando consist from your neighbours in front of your house, you’re in big trouble
#102 - Even the most desperate life is oh…so wonderful
#103 - You can find strength to beat up cancer
#104 - If you think your husband is trying to kill you, hit him with paddle and call your ex
#105 - Family bad should be good for your baby, but it’s not for your husband
#106 - If your sex life with your husband is almost none, you should spice it up
#107 - If you are hiding something, you shouldn’t hide it in your car (your wife can find it)
#108 - During tornado, hide into the basement
#109 - In life-death situation, even your enemies can became your friends
#110 - Sometimes tornado can help you in some way
#111 - If you let your friends live in your house, they can clean or even wash your clothes
#112 - You should make last wishes of your friends come true
#113 - If you have kid with Van de Kamp’s genes, you should suppress it
#114 - Noone is actually that shallow as they may seem
#115 - There is no lifting hands up in church
#116 - Pimping your son out for a new roof is not ok, unless there are also new windows in price
#117 - Don’t sleep completely naked, what if you are sleepwalker
#118 - Handicap people get the best parking place
#119 - You shouldn’t food poison a person, only because you think she is acting like a total bitch to you
#120 - Don’t hit your husband, his dog may be against that
#121 - Don’t let your friends husband sleep in your house, she may misjudge it
#122 - Noone will mess up with your friends, if so they will pay for it
#123 - Make up beliavable argument when you are serching through someone’s room
#124 - Shooting range is great place for relaxing
#125 - Please don’t name your son Maynard
#126 - Don’t hide your money into a teddy bear
#127 - Don’t order ice sculpture if you are planning wedding and then pick it up by your car. (The car can broke down).
#128 - This is the way how to make swans from napkin
#129 - In crisis you discover who your true friend is
#130 - In five years, your life can be completely different
#131 - Best way how to show your friends you are back on the street? Do it Edie style.
#132 - If your daughter doesn’t want to try diet, just let her run after your car to get in shape.
#133 - Don’t pretend you can do something if you can’t
